Monday, May 2, 2011 admission

Today has been a very "F That!" kind of a day, so please don't mind as I vent because I very much need to release!  And if you mind, then....

As with each round, things get harder and harder for us, the girls and mostly Emily! I can't remember who told us at the beginning that with each hospital stay that it will get easier for her! Well they were wrong and it gets harder on us! Each time we dread what is to come and what we have to encounter!  Emily wasn't ready for a stay for this round of chemo and honestly we were not either! Yesterday Emily was so loving!  The week before Jessie was at her dads and she cried and screamed saying she wanted her back! So she was so happy she was home yesterday and was so loving with Jessie and Brianna and even moreso with us yesterday! 

Today at the clinic which we were there forever which is absolutely ridiculous!  Heard from several others that it could be so much more organized there, it is horrible!  So much time is spent sitting there waiting and waiting!  When they said they were working on a room, Emily lost it!!! Ever see your child have a temper tantrum? This was worse and much like what I encounter during her fever stay not too long ago! Doug had a hard time seeing Emily fall to the ground screaming, crying, kicking, hitting and pleading just to take her home! We tried to reason with her and talk with her but nothing was working!  Doug broke down and hell I was well on my way!  Nothing was working!  Doug was at that point where he just wanted to say,"f it, we are taking her home!" and I was too! What made it worse is there was no one there to try to talk with her or anything!  She screamed so loud you could hear her! It was horrible to see her that way, and all she wanted was home!  So mom and dad after daddy saying we should just give her something to calm her down, so we can get her to the 7th floor!  We ended up having to give her benadryl!  But sometimes I think people need to think about what they are saying before they say it!  "awe I wish we could let her go home!" seriously why do you have go say home! Doug and I saucer need go come up with a code name for "home"!  So we take her to the truck to let her fall asleep and pick up her stuff! Both of us break down!  It's all the why's and all the can we take this away from her and the hurt! It's painful to watch, to partake in it, and live it!  Its painful all around! 

Emily just started her fluids no more than an hour ago and chemo will start once she meets levels!  She actually just woke from the benadryl and she wants go play with play doh!  Send lots of love for Emily as she endures this next round

Love Shannon